If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?
I’d always been a naughty child. I like to call it ‘active’. 😛 My parents call it ‘naughty’. This kinda puts a zipper on my mouth whenever I attempt to call my son ‘naughty’, coz I know he is so all because of me. 😛
And so, due to my ever-active self, I have a lot of scars. I had scraped knees, from the time I can remember. It would be a fall off the bicycle or a fight with one of the boys. Boys would thrash me with pleasure at school. (This was kindergarten. After that I learnt to put up for myself! :D) Mostly because I would never give in to their mischief and would always stand against them. I was a fighter from day-one! I was every teacher’s pet and that itself would call for unwanted attention.
And as I grew, the scars increased. I’ve been under the knife, I’ve had bites, I’ve got burns, cuts, and what not!. And more than the physical scars, the mental scars grew. Every scar reminds me of my mistake and sometimes, even my blessing. For example, the scar on my left thumb is a year old now. It was a nasty burn that I got, while putting the cake into the oven, for Christmas last year. The scar on my right knee – I was in 10th grade. I was waiting at the bus stop. It was a slope and I really shouldn’t have been standing there. There were loose pieces of cement and gravel on the ground, due to the footpath being constructed. I slipped and scrapped my knees so badly, that I couldn’t walk for two weeks. My post-natal scars were traumatic in the beginning. But then somebody once told me- ‘A woman is more beautiful when she’s a mom’. And this pulled me on for a long time. 🙂 I realize that I grew to like my scars. I learnt something new each time. And I paid a price for that learning. That’s how I think of it.
It’s the same with mental scars. Illness, loss of a dear one, failed relationships, financial burdens etc. Each one teaches you a lesson. And as you grow wise, you realize that you’ve learnt to ‘fight on; you can over come it’ and not ‘give up; you’ve lost to this illness’, or ‘love; don’t let your guard down’ and not ‘don’t love’. We don’t even realize that we’ve learnt all this. The physical scars and their lessons are relatively easy to comprehend. The invisible scars are those that mean to us most, because they are of our core, our selves.
Welcome each scar, if you can! It means ‘you survived’.