If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?
31 Dec, 2010
This snap was taken during a desert safari we had on New Year’s Eve.
There is so much beauty in this photograph, I feel. Apart from the deep colors of dusk and the infinity of the desert in the background, there is this couple, who are having a moment of joy together. The lady is getting herself photographed. And the gentleman is all willing to do it for her. [If you’ve handled a camera before, you’d know how patient and still you’d have to be to get a decent photograph in this light, and in the absence of a tripod]. 🙂
That exactly is the thought that crossed my mind today. How willing are you, to do something for somebody? Nobody says – “I’m ready to hold this much happiness in my heart for you!” Coz you know everyone welcomes happiness. Instead its the suffering that you offer to take, that acknowledges the worth of the other person. Suffering in silence isn’t an option really. It is how you turn the situation for the best of all.
Let’s check this scene out. I am watching my favorite show- Masterchef Australia. I am thirsty and walk over to the kitchen for a glass of water. I see my mom, putting a dish together, looking all tired and gloomy. I have that ‘sliding door moment’ (Of late, this has been my favorite phrase!! :P) when I can choose to ‘not notice’ her and walk away. Or I can go over to her and say- “What happened, Mom?”. If I don’t ask, I get to see who’s eliminated in the show and can go sleep in peace. If I ask, I need to spend more time with Mom as she pours herself out. So what would I do?
I would be with my Mom. (The point here to reflect on is – how many times have we done otherwise!). As she tells me her problem, I am building trust with her. I am giving up something for her, and this makes me believe that I am connecting with her. Very often, such a moment is not important in our lives. But when we choose to avoid such moments always, we lose out on building trust with the other person. It isn’t trust alone.
It is -to think of that person, and not yourself, for a moment. We all are cheap, on an average. We bitch about, we constantly push people away from us, we try hard to fit into our virtual worlds. And then, after a long while, when it’s all gone away, we sit and brood and carry that wretched state of mind to our graves.
For all the religious ones (I am at a special phase of my life- when I no longer call myself religious. I have faith in God; that’s all :D) out there- , this is the violation of the law of the Creator. This is the moment that you defy His everlasting love. The love, emancipating from the Almighty is to be shared. When you hurt a person deliberately, what then is the point of spreading yourself on a prayer mat?? There isn’t a man or woman who is flawless. We have our crazy highs and lows and we revel in them. We make mistakes. But the biggest folly of all is not attempting to correct it. We can talk, we can express, we can apologize, we can run up to them and hug them. Or sometimes we can just smile.
Why then do we bite back our tongues? C’mon, this person is your wife, or your sister or your long-lost friend. It wouldn’t hurt to let go of your ego and go up to them and tell them that you are feeling horrible. Trust me, they would be feeling much worse than you.
There is a slight complication however. There are times when you feel you don’t need this person or you don’t need to overcome such a situation. That you are better off avoiding it. It’s a little trick that your brain plays on you. It is the starting of a huge lesson. A lesson of suffering and learning it the hard way. So, face everything like a man, they say!! (which is totally absurd, coz most men I know are the biggest cowards I’ve seen!! :P) The human brain, (the complex of all!) has this horrible sense of timing and a horrible RDBMS capacity (IT experts, please excuse! :P) It will bring to you your past moments and your memories associated with it, when you least want it. And then it begins- your journey to eternal wrath!!
Everything happens for a reason. Even the dust that settles on your furniture. So imagine all those people and situations that popped up in your life to give you the learning you have today!
You can bring out the beauty in an ugly scene! You can decide how to wear your director’s hat! 🙂